The Child Free Lonely Life

The Child Free Lonely, Friendless Life

I've known since childhood that having children was not something that I ever, ever wanted to do. I honestly do not understand why people do it voluntarily. 
I had no idea when I was a child and I made the decision to never have children that it would cause me to lead a lonely life with little to no friends due to my choice.

As children, we don't really have many barriers to making friends with other kids. We end up playing with kids in our neighborhood, or becoming friends with kids in our class or maybe on our sports team or church. There really are no barriers in the eyes of the children. Parents will inherently put their own boundaries when they dislike something about a child or parent. I really can't say my parents ever refused to let me be friends with someone. I can remember in high school my sister and I were friends with a particular girl and her dad decided that she should not be friends with either of us because we were "nothing but trouble". The irony is both my sister and I graduated, went to college and have careers. The "friend" dropped out and ended up in jail. 

I typically made friends with people that I worked with, or people that I met through other activities. Work friends, normally no matter how strong, end up slowing down when you no longer work together. When I was younger and unmarried, I didn't really think too much about my decision to not have children. No one around me really had children unless they were older and married.  I made friends from college, work, or other places and it wasn't really an issue. As I got older, mid to late 20s, people I knew were getting married and having children. I started to notice that when someone I knew had a child, suddenly the friendship was over. They never had time anymore for whatever we had enjoyed together. After the kids came, we were simply coworkers and really no longer friends. I didn't really let it bother me because there were plenty of other people around me and I stayed busy.

Now, as a 44 year old, military wife, I feel like I am on an island. I feel like I do not know anyone in real life who has made the same decision. I have met a couple people close to my age who don't have children. However, each that I know, it is a medical reason why they do not have children, and it is not that they have made the same decision that I made. Or, in the case of one person that I know, she is only 22 and only been married 2 years, so she is officially a "not yet" not like me that is a "not ever".  

I try. Maybe I don't really, but I feel like I try. I try to do things that will allow me to meet other people. But I never ever meet anyone in real life that is Child Free like I am. I "know" a few people online from online groups. But as far as like a "real" person, someone I have spoken to in real life, nope, no I don't have anyone I know. 

San Diego is a city of 1.4 million people. I cannot POSSIBLY be the only person in San Diego who wants nothing to do with kids.  It feels like I am.  I have decided since the husband and I are not going to be in San Diego for much longer that I am pretty much just giving up on finding friends. I will have my few acquaintances, but the majority of my time, I am my only friend. 

Honestly, most of the time it is OK. I like to be very independent and I am definitely not the Navy Wife who can't function on duty day. I enjoy going to movies or concerts or other things by myself. I like setting my own schedule. Even though, I am the type that enjoys being alone, sometimes it is really nice to just have another person to talk to. However, with women, being friends means that you are going to have to deal with their children. Men can go and do what they want with out having to worry about dragging kids along, but women cannot. It is super frustrating for me.

Basically, I decided that I am not even gone to pursue trying to be friends with someone with kids at home. I just can't. I do not want what little bit of friend time to be run over with screaming kids. It leaves me in a weird position because I am still on a island, I am still not making friends, but I don't know how to deal with it all. 

50th Anniversary Game

The San Diego Padres 50th Anniversary Celebration Game

Saturday, June 29, 2019

The 2019 season for the San Diego Padres is their 50th Anniversary Season. From the "kick off" at Fan Fest in January, it was clear everything this season would be all about honoring the Padres history from the past 50 yrs.

We don't have season tickets. For many reasons. Some reasons being with my husband being active duty, I never know when he will be home. I hate to buy 2 tickets for something and then him not be able to go, so I just typically buy our tickets a week or 2 in advance when I know the schedule. 

For the June 29th game (and a couple others), I bought our special theme game tickets ahead of time. Way ahead of time. The 50th Anniversary game was an All Fan Giveaway of replica jerseys from Tony Gwynn and Trevor Hoffman. For an additional fee, tickets could be upgraded to get a matching hat to go with the jersey. I definitely wanted the jerseys and hats, so I bought our tickets well in advance. As the actual game date got closer, it was clear that I had made a good decision getting our tickets ahead as the game ended up selling out.

Before the game started, the Padres had a special thing with season ticket holder families that had kept tickets the entire 50 years. After that, they had a Padres Parade of retired and former players. It was so good to see some of the older retired Padres players.

After the game was over, the Padres had a special Laser show. There are normally a couple games a year where the Padres do the laser show, and it is always good. 

Forever a Party of Two

Forever .... A Party of Two

We will forever be a Party of Two, but not in the way that most will think that I am referring to. True, we will forever be a party of two at home in that we are never going to have children and we do not have an immediate plans for any pets.  Today, I am tackling the fact that it feels like we will forever be a party of two when we dine, travel etc because friends without children are RARE.

The Childfree over age 35 frequently end up being friends with empty nesters or those who have busy, never home teenagers. Trying to be friends with those who have little kids is just impossible. The interests and schedules are just completely different. Its rare that parents can go out on a School Night. When they can or when they do, it is either something really special or they are done and home early enough to not disrupt the regular night schedule. For a childfree couple, we rarely have a "school night".  Both of us have taken a variety of courses, training, conferences, etc at various points in our careers which made us have to study and do homework on a week night, but normally, a week night doesn't have much difference for us. We can go and do what we want.

At various times we have had a varying number of couples or friends around us in various points of their lives. Some were never married, some were empty nesters, some were trying every day, it was just different for each couple. However, since moving to California, a place I considered to be more progressive than my home of Virginia, I was shocked to find the lack of ChildFree people. I figured anywhere I went, outside of the military community obviously, that I would have no problem finding couple who either didn't or were delaying the whole children thing. I have been shocked to realize that even outside of the military community that every where I look, it is still families, families, families. 

We have pretty much decided that we aren't going to bend, and go out of our way to be friends with people with kids. You can't go out on a Wednesday? Nope we are not rescheduling to when the kids don't have a game. Your problem is not my problem. It gets exhausting trying to work schedules around something I did not choose.  Have I accepted being a party of two? Maybe not 100%. I hope that one day, we meet a couple more interracial, married, childfree couples who enjoy traveling and dining out. Will we? I don't really know. One amazing thing in our marriage is we actually get along, and we actually enjoy spending time together. If we never meet any further childfree couples, we will still travel, we will still enjoy life. 

Our life is on our terms. We don't have to work based on someone else's schedule. Our married life is crazy enough being on active duty military. Whether we are surrounded by friends, or just surrounded by our love, our childfree status isn't changing, and our wonderful life is only going to get better.

CHILD FREE LIFE

CHILD FREE LIFE

I can remember being 12 years old and having the husband and kids discussion with a relative. I said when I was 12 that I did not want to ever get married or have children.
Of course I was told then, I would change my mind, I didn't know what I want, etc. All of the things that childfree people are told on a regular basis.

When I married my ex husband, I knew I did not want children with him. He was too much of a child,and I did not want two children to take care of.
Everyone told me that when I  met the right person, I would want children. I did meet the right person, but I knew that I never wanted to SHARE my husband. I never wanted to be the second string quarterback to a child.  I could not imagine having to share my husband with a child. I am so thankful that we will never have anything or anyone to come between us. The childfree life is the only way for us. 

Cafe Sevilla, San Diego

Cafe Sevilla
San Diego, CA
February 14, 2018
Valentine's Dinner

For Valentine's Day each year, if we are together and I am not out to sea or working, we try to do something different for Valentine's Day. In this crazy military life, there are so many times when it is an important holiday and yet we can't be together.

For Valentine's Day, we decided to check out a place that we have been wanting to try. Cafe Sevilla is in downtown San Diego. It is probably the best authentic Spanish Experience that you can get in San Diego. For Valentine's day, it was a set menu, and a special show.  The food was excellent and we both definitely enjoyed the Flamenco Show. We both have been to Spain, but it has been a long time. We both would love to go back. Cafe Sevilla was a great "mini trip" to Spain for both of us.  It made an Excellent Valentine's Day!

CHILDFREE LIFE

The Child Free Life

The Child Free Life is not "luck". It is a deliberate choice. I hate it when people say we are "lucky". It makes it sound like they regret their choice to have children. We definitely do not regret our choice not to have children. We have enjoyed an amazing life full of fun and travel due to not children to deal with. 

Baltimore May 2015

My husband and I are gamblers, him more than me. I just kinda like being there and playing penny slots. 
We normally go to Dover Downs in Delaware, it is about 4 hours from our home in Virginia. 
We noticed that there were less and less people at Dover Downs and were told that since Maryland Live and Horseshoe Baltimore had opened that many Maryland residents were going there and not coming to Dover Downs. 

We decided to check it out and see what the fuss was all about. For Maryland Live, we decided we would never go back. It was fine entertainment wise, but it was the tightest casino and had the absolute worst food. 

Skeptically, I agreed with my husband to try Horseshoe Baltimore, only if we could combine it with a trip to visit Baltimore's Inner Harbor. At one time many years ago, I had visited Baltimore's Inner Harbor Area on a work trip, and I thought this was a great opportunity to go back and check it out. 

We totally picked a wrong hotel, it was too far away from where we were going, and the staff lost our reservation and did nothing to help us. But besides the hotel, we spent time in the Inner Harbor area and then went to Horseshoe.

We had a great time at both. We picked a great day for the weather at Inner Harbor. We were able to check out the whole area and walk and enjoy ourselves. Then at night we went to Horseshoe and were definitely pleased. Horseshoe has a great environment and it was tons of fun. They entertainment was great and I was amazed by the food choices.

We started our day at Lexington Market. It is a historic place that has been on the food channel. Seafood was on the agenda. The crab cakes and the fresh oysters were definitely not to be missed. 

There was live music entertainment at Lexington Market and plenty of places to shop and dine. It was fun for us to walk around and see a couple of the places that have been on the food channel and try it ourselves.

At Inner Harbor, My husband found Chessie. The legaendary Chesapeake Bay Sea Monster, Cousin to Loch Ness Monster. My husband finds him.

Of course what we saw were just the paddle boats that look like Chessie. 

Now, only if we could have found the real thing.

Horseshoe was fun. Horseshoe is named after the infamous Binion's Horseshoe in downtown Las Vegas. It is where the world series of poker actually started. Caesar's Entertainment has now built several of these Horseshoe Casinos and they are great. A great way to add to your Total Rewards points when you are not in Vegas or Atlantic City.