The Difference Between ChildFree Men and ChildFree Women

The Difference Between ChildFree Men and ChildFree Women

Has anyone but me ever noticed how different friendships are between men and women? 

My husband will tell me about a coworker or friend or cousin, and I ask him the standard questions, Married? Kids? Frequently, my husband will say he doesn't know. WHY? Because it does not come up and it has no bearing on their friendship status.  

When women meet, even if we have no real friendship interest in the other, we will ask the standard questions, Married? Kids?  The answer to those questions determines quite a bit with women. Some insecure married women do not like to be friends with single women.  

When women are friends, it is pretty much accepted that the children will be part of the friendship. Coffee? Wine? Lunch? Movie? Yeap, the kids will be there for all of it. The only way that activities are not including the kids is when they are in school or maybe at a sport or activity. 

For men, they can be friends for years, hang out, do stuff together, spend lots of time together and never even MEET the other guy's kids. Why? 

Why are men given a kid free pass and women are not?  

The Child Free Lonely Life

The Child Free Lonely, Friendless Life

I've known since childhood that having children was not something that I ever, ever wanted to do. I honestly do not understand why people do it voluntarily. 
I had no idea when I was a child and I made the decision to never have children that it would cause me to lead a lonely life with little to no friends due to my choice.

As children, we don't really have many barriers to making friends with other kids. We end up playing with kids in our neighborhood, or becoming friends with kids in our class or maybe on our sports team or church. There really are no barriers in the eyes of the children. Parents will inherently put their own boundaries when they dislike something about a child or parent. I really can't say my parents ever refused to let me be friends with someone. I can remember in high school my sister and I were friends with a particular girl and her dad decided that she should not be friends with either of us because we were "nothing but trouble". The irony is both my sister and I graduated, went to college and have careers. The "friend" dropped out and ended up in jail. 

I typically made friends with people that I worked with, or people that I met through other activities. Work friends, normally no matter how strong, end up slowing down when you no longer work together. When I was younger and unmarried, I didn't really think too much about my decision to not have children. No one around me really had children unless they were older and married.  I made friends from college, work, or other places and it wasn't really an issue. As I got older, mid to late 20s, people I knew were getting married and having children. I started to notice that when someone I knew had a child, suddenly the friendship was over. They never had time anymore for whatever we had enjoyed together. After the kids came, we were simply coworkers and really no longer friends. I didn't really let it bother me because there were plenty of other people around me and I stayed busy.

Now, as a 44 year old, military wife, I feel like I am on an island. I feel like I do not know anyone in real life who has made the same decision. I have met a couple people close to my age who don't have children. However, each that I know, it is a medical reason why they do not have children, and it is not that they have made the same decision that I made. Or, in the case of one person that I know, she is only 22 and only been married 2 years, so she is officially a "not yet" not like me that is a "not ever".  

I try. Maybe I don't really, but I feel like I try. I try to do things that will allow me to meet other people. But I never ever meet anyone in real life that is Child Free like I am. I "know" a few people online from online groups. But as far as like a "real" person, someone I have spoken to in real life, nope, no I don't have anyone I know. 

San Diego is a city of 1.4 million people. I cannot POSSIBLY be the only person in San Diego who wants nothing to do with kids.  It feels like I am.  I have decided since the husband and I are not going to be in San Diego for much longer that I am pretty much just giving up on finding friends. I will have my few acquaintances, but the majority of my time, I am my only friend. 

Honestly, most of the time it is OK. I like to be very independent and I am definitely not the Navy Wife who can't function on duty day. I enjoy going to movies or concerts or other things by myself. I like setting my own schedule. Even though, I am the type that enjoys being alone, sometimes it is really nice to just have another person to talk to. However, with women, being friends means that you are going to have to deal with their children. Men can go and do what they want with out having to worry about dragging kids along, but women cannot. It is super frustrating for me.

Basically, I decided that I am not even gone to pursue trying to be friends with someone with kids at home. I just can't. I do not want what little bit of friend time to be run over with screaming kids. It leaves me in a weird position because I am still on a island, I am still not making friends, but I don't know how to deal with it all. 

The Las Vegas Neon Museum, July 4, 2019

Las Vegas Neon Museum
July 4, 2019

We spent a few days in Vegas for the July 4th weekend. We have been to Vegas on July 4th a few other times. Although, July 4th is a major holiday, its summer which is peak of the Vegas Peak Season, Vegas doesn't really "go all out" for July 4th. Vegas doesn't really do much for New Year's Eve either, but that is a story for another day.

Since moving to California in 2015, we have traveled to Vegas easily 100 times. But in all those trips, we had never gone to the Neon Museum. We've always wanted to, we just never made time. 

Both of us are fans of all of the history of Old Vegas. I definitely was surprised at how small the neon museum is. I guess I just expected to see every possible neon sign that has been retired.

I love that the neon museum has bought the names and logos for several of the old Vegas hotels. You can actually get objects from some of the old Vegas hotels like the old plastic room keys and the old ashtrays. It is really a great way to look at some of the history of old Vegas.

If the Neon Signs could talk, just imagine the crazy stories they could tell. 

Carnival Splendor, June 15, 2019

Carnival Splendor,  Long Beach, Mexican Rivera Cruise,  June 15, 2019

Before we even moved to Southern California,  we booked our first Mexican Rivera Cruise out of Long Beach. It was a special Carnival Premiere Casino Cruise. We were on Carnival Miracle in February 2016. Since we took that cruise, in 2017 and 2018 we took the shorter 4 day Catalina and Ensenada Cruise on Carnival Imagination and Carnival Inspiration out of Long Beach. 

We decided since it is now a different ship doing the week long Mexican Rivera Cruise that it would be a great time to cruise it again.  Carnival Splendor is in Long Beach now but eventually it will be moved to Australia. Eventually, Carnival will be going back to San Diego and bringing a brand new ship. That will probably be the next time we do this same itinerary.

Our cruise on Carnival Splendor was our tenth cruise on Carnival. Four of the ten have been Carnival's smaller ships, Carnival Splendor was the youngest Carnival ship that we have been on. We had hoped that since it was only 10 years old that it would be in good condition. Sadly, we were disappointed in the shape of the Splendor. It looked to us that Carnival put off some much needed maintenance and repairs since the ship is doing a massive upgrade and dry dock before it goes to Australia. 

Overall, the cruise was great! We had fun in all three ports and we really had a good time on the ship. Our cabin was in a great spot. We opted for an ocean view cabin this time. We have really enjoyed having the extra room. I think we are both over packers. We bring coordinated outfits for the photo ops each night. We probably took 100 plus pictures and we bought quite a few!

Las Vegas

The Vegas Life for ChildFree

If someone had told me a few years ago that I would be handing out advice and recommendations about Las Vegas, I would have said they were nuts. My husband and I visited Las Vegas together for the first time in 2013. My husband had been here about 5 times when he was in high school. In 2013 we stayed at Luxor because my priority in 2013 was to see Cris Angel. In 2015, we moved to Southern California. We arrived in Oceanside, but we had a couple days before we could pick up the keys to our house, so we went to Vegas for a few days. We stayed at Mirage for 2 days and then stayed at Bally's for 2 days. We got settled in, and then quickly came back to Vegas about 4-5 weeks later. 

I had no idea that in 2016, we were going to be visiting Las Vegas at least once to twice a month. My husband and I had points with the Caesars Entertainment group, and got free stays fro his playing, so we made it a goal to stay at all of the properties in Vegas that are part of the Caesar's group. We accomplished that goal. We are now working on staying at all of the MLife Properties. We've stayed at 3 so far, so we have quite a few to go. I can't even count now how many times that I have been to Las Vegas. There are less hotels on the strip where we haven't stayed, than were we have stayed. We have seen tons of shows. We have eaten at tons of restaurants. I feel like the focus of our travel blog could be nothing but Vegas, Vegas, Vegas and I would have a million things to write about. 

I get asked by people what is your number one piece of advice for someone who is visiting Las Vegas for the first time. I would say my number one piece of advice would be, if there is a show, museum, or attraction that is on your "bucket list" check the schedule. Shows have dark weeks and dark days. Museums and attractions have closed days and sometimes will close to upgrade or renovate. Check the schedule! Don't fly to Vegas hoping to see Celine and visit the CSI attraction and get here and realize she is not performing that week and CSI is closed. Sam with the pool schedule. Don't show up in February thinking the pools will be open. My second piece of advice is just as important, DO NOT pay full price for anything. Just about everything has a discount. Hotels, shows, restaurants all have discount codes or coupons. Some shows have BOGO deals, or attend one show, get tickets to the other for free. Some hotels have special deals for guests. Don't pay full price for anything!

We have stayed at a variety of hotels. Everyone has had a different flair and feel. They also all have different restaurants, shows and even the casino games can be different at the different hotels. Some hotels are better for the under 25 crowd, some are better for kids, some are better for the older crowd. They all just vary. Doing your research based on the group you are visiting Vegas with is very important. My husband really likes Caesar's Palace. But when my sister came to Vegas for her first time, we stayed at Planet Hollywood because I really thought she would like that better due to the setup and the location. If my sister was to visit again and bring my niece, we would probably pick another hotel where my niece would have more things to do. 

Las Vegas is like my vacation home now. Even though we have been to Vegas a countless number of times, each time we try to do new things and we always have a good time. I head home from Vegas totally exhausted, but ready to go back for the next adventure!

Forever a Party of Two

Forever .... A Party of Two

We will forever be a Party of Two, but not in the way that most will think that I am referring to. True, we will forever be a party of two at home in that we are never going to have children and we do not have an immediate plans for any pets.  Today, I am tackling the fact that it feels like we will forever be a party of two when we dine, travel etc because friends without children are RARE.

The Childfree over age 35 frequently end up being friends with empty nesters or those who have busy, never home teenagers. Trying to be friends with those who have little kids is just impossible. The interests and schedules are just completely different. Its rare that parents can go out on a School Night. When they can or when they do, it is either something really special or they are done and home early enough to not disrupt the regular night schedule. For a childfree couple, we rarely have a "school night".  Both of us have taken a variety of courses, training, conferences, etc at various points in our careers which made us have to study and do homework on a week night, but normally, a week night doesn't have much difference for us. We can go and do what we want.

At various times we have had a varying number of couples or friends around us in various points of their lives. Some were never married, some were empty nesters, some were trying every day, it was just different for each couple. However, since moving to California, a place I considered to be more progressive than my home of Virginia, I was shocked to find the lack of ChildFree people. I figured anywhere I went, outside of the military community obviously, that I would have no problem finding couple who either didn't or were delaying the whole children thing. I have been shocked to realize that even outside of the military community that every where I look, it is still families, families, families. 

We have pretty much decided that we aren't going to bend, and go out of our way to be friends with people with kids. You can't go out on a Wednesday? Nope we are not rescheduling to when the kids don't have a game. Your problem is not my problem. It gets exhausting trying to work schedules around something I did not choose.  Have I accepted being a party of two? Maybe not 100%. I hope that one day, we meet a couple more interracial, married, childfree couples who enjoy traveling and dining out. Will we? I don't really know. One amazing thing in our marriage is we actually get along, and we actually enjoy spending time together. If we never meet any further childfree couples, we will still travel, we will still enjoy life. 

Our life is on our terms. We don't have to work based on someone else's schedule. Our married life is crazy enough being on active duty military. Whether we are surrounded by friends, or just surrounded by our love, our childfree status isn't changing, and our wonderful life is only going to get better.

Cabo San Lucas, Mexico

Cabo San Lucas, Baja California, Mexico

Cabo, or Los Cabos is one of those legendary places where you hear about the amazing views, the wonderful people, the excellent food and of course The Partying. Traveling on both coasts of Mexico, I have learned that the culture is deep, beautiful and proud. 

We took and Land and Sea Tour to get acquainted with the area. Of course the highlight of the water part of the tour is getting as close to the Arch as possible. There is a small beach in the arch area, one side of the beach opens to the Sea of Cortez and the other side opens to the Pacific Ocean. Its one of a few crazy places like this in the world where one beach can swim in two bodies of water.

Part of our tour went to a glass blowing factory, a restaurant, shopping, and a few other places with some amazing views along the coast.  I was totally fascinated by the glass blowing process. It honestly seemed though that it was more of a tourist thing, like the factory only existed just as something to do for tourists until we got to a restaurant for our lunch and tequila tasting. Then I saw how all of their bar ware had come from the place we just left. It was quite an interesting lesson in zero waste. The restaurant and bar sends the glass blowing factory their beer bottles to recycle and the glass blowing factory made them amazing bar ware. 

Los Cabos is one of a few places where the old meets the new in this balanced way. Its truly someplace that I would love to spend a long amount of time. Its also in my dreams for retirement.