The Child Free Lonely Life

The Child Free Lonely, Friendless Life

I've known since childhood that having children was not something that I ever, ever wanted to do. I honestly do not understand why people do it voluntarily. 
I had no idea when I was a child and I made the decision to never have children that it would cause me to lead a lonely life with little to no friends due to my choice.

As children, we don't really have many barriers to making friends with other kids. We end up playing with kids in our neighborhood, or becoming friends with kids in our class or maybe on our sports team or church. There really are no barriers in the eyes of the children. Parents will inherently put their own boundaries when they dislike something about a child or parent. I really can't say my parents ever refused to let me be friends with someone. I can remember in high school my sister and I were friends with a particular girl and her dad decided that she should not be friends with either of us because we were "nothing but trouble". The irony is both my sister and I graduated, went to college and have careers. The "friend" dropped out and ended up in jail. 

I typically made friends with people that I worked with, or people that I met through other activities. Work friends, normally no matter how strong, end up slowing down when you no longer work together. When I was younger and unmarried, I didn't really think too much about my decision to not have children. No one around me really had children unless they were older and married.  I made friends from college, work, or other places and it wasn't really an issue. As I got older, mid to late 20s, people I knew were getting married and having children. I started to notice that when someone I knew had a child, suddenly the friendship was over. They never had time anymore for whatever we had enjoyed together. After the kids came, we were simply coworkers and really no longer friends. I didn't really let it bother me because there were plenty of other people around me and I stayed busy.

Now, as a 44 year old, military wife, I feel like I am on an island. I feel like I do not know anyone in real life who has made the same decision. I have met a couple people close to my age who don't have children. However, each that I know, it is a medical reason why they do not have children, and it is not that they have made the same decision that I made. Or, in the case of one person that I know, she is only 22 and only been married 2 years, so she is officially a "not yet" not like me that is a "not ever".  

I try. Maybe I don't really, but I feel like I try. I try to do things that will allow me to meet other people. But I never ever meet anyone in real life that is Child Free like I am. I "know" a few people online from online groups. But as far as like a "real" person, someone I have spoken to in real life, nope, no I don't have anyone I know. 

San Diego is a city of 1.4 million people. I cannot POSSIBLY be the only person in San Diego who wants nothing to do with kids.  It feels like I am.  I have decided since the husband and I are not going to be in San Diego for much longer that I am pretty much just giving up on finding friends. I will have my few acquaintances, but the majority of my time, I am my only friend. 

Honestly, most of the time it is OK. I like to be very independent and I am definitely not the Navy Wife who can't function on duty day. I enjoy going to movies or concerts or other things by myself. I like setting my own schedule. Even though, I am the type that enjoys being alone, sometimes it is really nice to just have another person to talk to. However, with women, being friends means that you are going to have to deal with their children. Men can go and do what they want with out having to worry about dragging kids along, but women cannot. It is super frustrating for me.

Basically, I decided that I am not even gone to pursue trying to be friends with someone with kids at home. I just can't. I do not want what little bit of friend time to be run over with screaming kids. It leaves me in a weird position because I am still on a island, I am still not making friends, but I don't know how to deal with it all.